Love, an Aunt

Last night my sister in law gave birth to a boy, and I am now an aunt! I didn't sleep much because I was worried something terrible might happen, which could be due to too much Jane the Virgin, but could also be because my mom sent this Seinfeld-esque text message:

I didn't really feel like it was happening until I got this message, took a second to realize it was her giving birth and not something terrible, then immediately burst into tears. But before this, and ever since I found out she was pregnant, I thought a lot about my brother and his wife as parents.

They're going to be great parents.

I was trying to plan a time to come visit Alyson before she gave birth, while she was working from home. I figured she'd be stuck on the couch and could use a buddy. I tried to insist that we didn't need to do anything but she kept making all these plans for us. This is a recurring thing, and no matter how exhausted she is from traveling or hosting or just generally doing things she will always make plans and make sure it's everything I want when I'm there. Then I tried to make plans for after she gave birth, to meet the baby and help them out. She insisted that the longer I wait the more fun it would be. I couldn't believe that in the one time of her life she could be the most selfish she just wouldn't do it. But she takes care of people, she takes such good care of me. She's matter-of-fact and generous and absolutely hilarious. I love her so much.

Jeff got a snapchat account a few weeks ago and has been posting silly face videos where he tells terrible pun dad jokes. I can't believe it really but he's already there, he is full on dad. He's also the person I looked up to most for most of my life. He's the kind of person that everyone wants to be friends with, and always surrounds himself with the very kindest people, and even though things have definitely been so hard for him he just keeps on going and he's doing so great. He was that kind of jerk brother that would beat you up and call you fat but also that good kind that said if you ever did drugs he'd kill you. But then you found out he was smoking weed and so you smoked together and just loved him even more. I'm really proud of my brother, and I love him so much. I wouldn't be who I am without him, and I've always wished I got to spend more time with him which seems weird but I just can't get enough. He is going to be such a great dad.

I've taken care of myself more than anyone else most of my life. But when I'm with them I feel so taken care of. We'll go out for dinner and Jeff will drive us home so we can drink too much wine and then we'll watch a movie and I'll fall asleep on the couch, but Jeff makes me go to bed so he can play video games without waking me up. And I'll get up in the morning and they'll ask how the temperature of my room was and Jeff will make bacon because it's really the only breakfast thing he likes to eat. I know they probably think all of this stuff is dumb but it means the world to me. I love them so much.

I honestly always wanted Jeff to be more overbearing in my life, to make up for when my dad wasn't around. He wouldn't do it, really, but it wouldn't have been fair for him to anyway. He did always give me plenty of shit for almost starting bar fights a few too many times. On the other hand Alyson would applaud my ability to fall asleep in bars, break up with boys, and dance so much, then hold my hair so I could puke in the front yard. I love them so much.

We haven't had it easy. But they're gonna do so right by this kid, and I'm going to try hard to be a good aunt. I hadn't been able to figure out why I'm so emotional about this but I'm sure I'm jealous. I'm jealous of how much pure unconditional unwavering and never-ending love this kid is going to get. The kind that I don't know, and don't know I ever will. He's one lucky kid. And I already love him so much.