Today Is the Last Day Of Me Working For Someone Else

Tagged Paloma, startup, working

When people ask me about my work history I have a lot of stories I could tell. I could talk about the job where I made some of the best friends I still have. Where I met some of the most unfriendly people in New York who were mean and bad to me. The job where I learned what advertising was, how to get ahead, how not to get ahead, and how systemic racism is in the industry.

I could talk about the job where I saw what good and bad management looked like, learned how to work within product teams, and became a feminist after experiencing significant sexism. I could talk about the job where I lived the closest to a sorority lifestyle I'll ever get, and experienced one of the many cocktails of how a startup can fail.

I could talk about the job where I just wasn't set up to succeed. Where other people's insecurities kept me from doing the things I love and am good at. I could talk about the job where despite how much I spoke out against sexist and racist behaviors they still informed hiring and daily life. The job where I was hired for my extraordinary product skills and yet astounded people when I simply held an efficient meeting.

Instead I laugh off the question of why I left all of that behind.

"I don't make a great employee :)"

My grandfather, an ex-marine, always says he never would have made it in the private sector – he'd get fired too much. After being let go twice and quitting a few jobs just because, I can very much relate.

It's true. I don't make a good employee. I can see what's wrong and I will always try to fix it. In the countless interviews I've done at startups and companies across New York over the past few years I became very good at pointing out what exact details of a situation would lead to my demise. Whether it was how someone treated me in an interview, the company org structure or compensation package. I have plenty of stories about all of those.

But I took some sort of pride in wanting to make it work. Someone once told me they were amazed that despite my ability to critically assess these situations I somehow continued to want to get a job somewhere. Maybe it was just that I really enjoy working on a product, with a team. Whatever it was, I'm also not a believer in starting a company for the sake of it. I believe in solving problems.

It just so happened that in my last, defeated, batch of free time I began to solve a problem. And generated a fantastic opportunity. In the most natural progression of events that could probably have happened, I began starting a company and roped in so many great people to help along the way. We're in the earliest of stages, working on our very first beta. And having raised some angel funding, I am going to focus on making it as wildly successful as it can possibly be.

Today is my last day working for someone else. Hopefully for a very long time.

Today

Tagged feelings, startup, Paloma, working, working out

I've been in a much better mood since I started working out again. I think before that was a better mood too but I don't know why. Maybe cause I'm also making food for myself again.

I'm feeling really good about how things are going, but I feel immense failure when I let something slip – like not sending a follow-up email that I should have.

This week I didn't spend as much time on Paloma as I wanted to. I actually didn't have any plans any night this week and expected it to be all working, but doubling up is hard to do. Instead I worked out three times already and have felt more productive in the days. One week away from full-time and I can't wait, but at the same time I have a lot that needs to get done before then so time is not a great friendly concept at the moment.

I got coffee with Natalie today and it was fantastic. I realize that the friends I have in NY took time to make and they care about me and I care about them, but they're not all my people and I've struggled with that, with forcing it to work with people that aren't the right things for me or vice versa. Anyway, I feel really lucky now to have a group of people (god bless the internet) that feel like good kinda caring people that there's a common understanding with. And while there isn't the same personal one-to-one closeness across the board, there kind of is in a way because of how much people care. I guess the baseline is just higher. I'm not explaining this well but it feels really good and like some sort of compensation for my deep struggles with relationships over the years. These people are genuine and good.

A man dm'd me on twitter trying to have a conversation about issues with sexism and I don't care. I responded to him and then he followed up and I just it's exhausting. I don't know what you're looking for from me. I don't know who you are, and you don't seem super interested in getting to know me and I just don't understand. I stopped responding.

I need to sleep and hopefully get up early. There's a lot to do :)